11/8/2023 0 Comments Hindsight awaken i am![]() I was depressed at some points in school. I am grateful he came to me at the very moment and I hope this piece finds you well when you need to hear it. That moment of my life remains august for it presented itself with the need for delicate decisions, the consequences of which were dire. ![]() With the words he said that day, he quite demonstrated that words make more meaning when they come at the time we need them most. Long story cut short, I remember recently thanking him for his words, and for insisting on my continuance. He’s one fellow I would prefer to always fondly remember. I remember he took back in my bags and offloaded their contents. I was embarrassed more embarrassed by how disingenuous my scheme had turned out, so I gave in, partly because I felt the things he said and more because of this rather unscripted eventuality of my plan. I remember him say, “Possible just try”, amidst other things. ![]() I remember, too, how he talked about the many things he had come to admire about me within the short time we had spent together. I remember he threatened to cry if I left. I remember he held unto one of my bags and pleaded that I allow him take them back to the room. The “hmmms” and “Ahhhhs” that characterised his comments were of an intense variety of shock and disappointment. After quizzing me, I remember how he wistfully regretted my scheme for my own sake. Apparently he was returning from where he had gone to read and, with two huge baggage strangely beside me, he probably assumed I was up to something. One of my roommates, a short, fair-complexioned 200 level student then, stumbled upon me some minutes into my wait for a taxi. It was still too early and when the day has begun to yawn out of the night’s clutch, something dramatic happened. I got outside the hostel’s gates and stood there waiting for a cab in a manner that suggested that I might have no resolve in leaving after all. In all my thinking, I had no decisively brilliant plan on how I would leave school that early morning after avoiding my roommates. In hindsight, when I think of what kept me back that day, I feel unmoored and ridiculous. It was a flustering experience for me and as I jarringly left the room, at some point I thought I would cry. I had gradually and systematically packed the stuff I felt I needed some nights before that morning. I remember carefully exiting my room with two of my roommates fast asleep. What would I be doing at home, should I leave law? What next? While I worried about my decision, the weight of my depression swallowed these fears and mangled my consciousness so much that all I could think of was how to leave that morning. Half-awaken by the buzz of late night returnees from the reading room, I remember I lay on my bed and somewhere within the aspirational axis of my mind, I was worried this was going to be a bad idea. I was in my third year, sometime in 2016, and it was about 5:00AM that morning.
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